On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
