I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
