His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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