Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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