A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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