We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
