also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
