Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
