I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
