At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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