If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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