Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
