the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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