Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
