WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
