Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
