Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
