i think my tv is drunk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
