It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
