i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i think my cat just said my name.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
