I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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