Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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