i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
