Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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