I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
