I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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