Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
