My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
