Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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