I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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