I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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