I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
