So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
