i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
