She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
