Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
