he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
