The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
