New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
