I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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