It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
