i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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