As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
