He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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