Umm I'm too high to move.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
