Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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