shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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