I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
