You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
