rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
