Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
